But where are you REALLY from?

While traveling on a work trip to Stockholm with my partner, I encountered a moment that, though familiar, never fails to sting. We were in a taxi when the driver asked, "Where are you from?" My partner, a white Australian, answered, "We are from Australia." The driver then looked at me and asked, "But where are you really from?" I replied, "Australia." I am of mixed race from Asia, and in that moment, I was reminded that to some, no matter how many times I assert my identity as Australian, it’s still not quite enough. This is just one of many examples I have faced throughout my life, and I am certainly not alone.

My encounter highlights the uncomfortable reality that many people of colour experience in their everyday lives. The seemingly innocent question, "Where are you really from?" is often loaded with assumptions that reinforce the notion of "otherness." What is intended as curiosity often reveals unconscious biases and assumptions, suggesting that the individual doesn’t quite belong.

In recent years, this question has sparked many debates and even controversies, such as the widely-publicised case involving Ngozi Fulani at a Buckingham Palace reception in 2022. Fulani, a British-born charity leader, was repeatedly asked about her origins, despite asserting that she was British. The interaction, which resulted in the resignation of Lady Susan Hussey, highlighted how these questions, even when subtle, are a form of racism.

The problem lies in how these questions are framed and why they are being asked. As Sheree Atcheson points out, the person asking often refuses to accept the answer and presses further, assuming that because someone is not white, they must not be "from here."¹
This becomes less about curiosity and more about reinforcing racial stereotypes, intentionally or not. It labels someone as different, and no matter how long they or their families have lived in a country, they are treated as perpetual foreigners.

When this happens in the workplace, it raises serious issues of belonging and psychological safety. Employees who are constantly questioned about their identity feel isolated, contributing to a toxic work environment where they may feel less valued or accepted. This lack of inclusion hinders collaboration, reduces engagement, and limits the potential for diversity to positively impact innovation and decision-making.

The workplace impact

Workplaces are not immune to these microaggressions. Research² shows that subtle biases, such as questioning someone’s "true" origins, reinforce an atmosphere of exclusion and prevent organisations from truly embracing diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI). In professional settings, where people should feel empowered to be themselves, repeatedly being asked where you are "really" from can chip away at an individual's sense of belonging, eroding trust and psychological safety. According to one BBC article³, being repeatedly questioned about one's origins often signals a deeper issue of racism and exclusion that persists across various societal levels.

At Enmasse, we understand how damaging these microaggressions can be, and we offer tailored DEI training programs designed to address these very issues. Our workshops help employees and leaders recognise unconscious biases, foster more inclusive communication, and create psychologically safe environments where everyone feels they belong—regardless of their ethnicity or background.

The need for DEI and Psychological safety training

DEI training is more than just an organisational checkbox; it is a critical tool for helping teams understand the complexities of identity and how to approach conversations about race, nationality, and culture with sensitivity. Our programs, which include Unconscious Bias Awareness, Respect at Work, and Psychological Safety workshops, equip teams with the skills they need to engage in meaningful, respectful conversations that do not alienate or marginalise.

These programs focus on:

Recognising microaggressions: Identifying comments and behaviours, like "Where are you really from?", that can undermine trust and belonging.
Unconscious bias training: Understanding how unconscious assumptions can perpetuate stereotypes and discrimination.
Building a culture of respect: Encouraging open, inclusive dialogue where all voices are heard, and no one is singled out based on their race or background.

Moving beyond the question

So, where are you really from? This question shouldn't be a barrier to belonging. With the right tools and mindset, we can foster workplaces where everyone is valued for their contributions, not their skin colour or heritage. If you're ready to create a more inclusive environment at your organisation, explore the range of DEI and psychological safety workshops offered by Enmasse. Together, we can build workplaces that embrace diversity, promote inclusion, and ensure that everyone feels like they belong.

For more information on how Enmasse can help your organisation foster an inclusive and respectful culture, contact us at enquiries@enmasse2.com.

References:
1. https://www.forbes.com/sites/shereeatcheson/2022/12/02/where-are-you-really-from-not-so-subtle-racism-in-a-nutshell/
2. https://hbr.org/2020/10/whats-wrong-with-asking-where-are-you-from
3. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63822940.amp