Putting an end to gendered violence: how to lead the change
This year’s White Ribbon Day theme is “Let’s Be the Change to end men’s violence against women and children”. It is worth taking some time to unpack and reflect on what being the change might practically mean for us as individuals in our everyday lives, and in particular how this might look for people and culture leaders in the workplace wishing to engage men in the journey.
The issue of violence against women encompasses many forms of gender-based discrimination and harm, from family and domestic violence through to sexual harassment in the workplace – behaviours which we know disproportionately impact women.
Each November people around the world gather in action to continue the rich legacy of resistance and activism to prevent and eliminate men’s violence against women. From White Ribbon Day here in Australia on the 18th of November, to the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women on the 25th of November, which launches the Sixteen Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, there are loud calls for global action to increase awareness, promote advocacy and create opportunities for discussion on challenges and solutions.1
Domestic and family violence specialist support services
- 1800 Respect National Helpline: 1800 737 732
- Men's Referral Service: 1300 766 491
From the work I have done in this space, both personally and professionally, I know that being the change isn’t an easy task. It requires us to reflect on our behaviours, norms and beliefs that are often highly ingrained and performed automatically without us thinking, and this is often especially true for us as it relates to outdated and harmful ideas of gender.
Gender norms can be understood as the water the fish swims in: we don’t necessarily know it’s there, as it’s reproduced and performed everywhere every moment, and as such requires us to build our knowledge and understanding of it in order to see it.
Once we have this knowledge, we must then commit to meaningfully unlearning our old ways of doing gender and forge new ways of relating, which is made difficult due to our lifetimes of socialisation within a patriarchal culture which constantly tells us all to conform to limiting and rigid ideas of how we should be, often with social consequences for transgressing. Regardless of our gender, being the change requires us to critically think and reflect on ourselves before then challenging the ways patriarchy has taught us to express ourselves and relate to others.
Regardless of our gender, being the change requires us to critically think and reflect on ourselves before then challenging the ways patriarchy has taught us to express ourselves and relate to others.
In Our Watch’s latest update of the Change the Story framework,2 they go further to suggest that if we truly wish to be the change, we must:
- challenge condoning of violence against women
- promote women’s independence and decision-making in public life and relationships
- build new social norms that foster personal identities not constrained by rigid gender stereotypes; and
- support men and boys to develop healthy masculinities and positive, supportive male peer relationships.
The last two points are particularly relevant when reflecting on how we engage men in the movement to end gendered violence and inequality, which is a question we often hear from workplaces and community groups. In Our Watch’s Men in Focus: Practice Guide,3 it is suggested that to meaningfully engage men, we must acknowledge the ways that violence is normalised in men’s lives, and how it is often used between men as ways of reinforcing harmful stereotypes and dominating others just as often as its used towards women. By acknowledging and speaking to the impact of violence in men’s lives more broadly, it’s only then men can “shift from privilege and shame into a willing mindset, that can make the links to what they do and how they can contribute to change” (Our Watch, 2022).
Additionally, in the VicHealth Framing masculinity message guide, it is suggested that when seeking to engage men we:
- Don’t pander to the vocal minority: Focus on telling your progressive story to the vast majority of people who are persuadable on the issue.
- Don’t box men in: When explaining why masculinity is a problem, frame it as gender stereotypes that constrain men. When talking about the solution, instead of framing this as seeking new or better forms of masculinity, frame it as freedom from gender stereotypes altogether.
- Be solutions focused: Spend more time talking about men’s role in the solution and less time talking about their role in the problem, in order to avoid activating shame and defensiveness.
- Use the power of social norming: Don’t imply traditional masculine norms are ‘dominant’ or widely accepted. Instead, point out that most people think traditional masculine stereotypes are harmful and believe men should be freed from them.
In many ways, these actions and approaches can be our roadmap to change as a nation. However, it’s important to note that this can be challenging and slow work, which requires a truly ethical and value-based commitment. It’s not about just raising money or holding a breakfast once a year which, while valuable, are only effective when part of a year-round commitment to making these changes in small, accountable and everyday ways.
This year’s White Ribbon Day theme reminds me of one of the most important books on the topic of gendered violence and change, from the late bell hooks, The Will to Change: Men Masculinity and Love.4 In The Will to Change hooks talks about how if we were to go door to door around the country asking people if we should end violence against women, the overwhelming majority of people would give their unequivocal support to the movement.
However, if you then told them that this would only be possible to do by them eradicating patriarchy and all the stereotypes, social norms and ways of relating that come along with it in their everyday lives, workplaces, and communities, people might begin to hesitate and change their position. It’s up to each of us to take small steps in the right direction every day, so this White Ribbon Day, for November, and into the future I invite you to commit to un/learning, reflecting and having the will to be and make the change we all need.
En Masse is a White Ribbon approved training partner and offers a number of programs, both online and onsite, in the areas of family and domestic violence and sexual misconduct in the workplace. Contact us today to discuss a program tailored to your audience.
References
- https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women/take-action/16-days-of-activism
- Our Watch (2021). Change the story: A shared framework for the primary prevention of violence against women In Australia (2nd ed.). Melbourne, Australia: Our Watch, 70-71.
- Our Watch (2022). Men in focus practice guide: Addressing masculinities and working with men in the prevention of men’s violence against women. Melbourne, Australia: Our Watch.
- hooks b (2004). The Will to Change : Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York: Atria Books.
